“Fair & Handsome” faces bankruptcy as Gayle, Malinga shine in IPL
Mumbai. Fair & Handsome, the so-called “mardo waali cream”, might soon be out of business as it’s no longer deemed effective, Faking News has learned. The fairness cream for men has failed to impress the youth after cricketers Chris Gayle and Lasith Malinga, both with dark skin color, proved to be the best cricketers in the fourth season of IPL, with Gayle winning the “orange cap” and Malinga bagging the “purple cap”.
“We are afraid that Indian men finally might want to look like them; after all both of them pickedplaying for an Indian professional league over their own respective countries,” Emami CEO Gaurav Gorabankar told Faking News, conceding that his deepest fear was Indian masses no longer being embarrassed with dark skin color.
The message won’t work anymore?
His fears are backed with data as the fairness cream recorded a decrease in the rate of sales with the increase in the number of runs and wickets amassed by both the players in IPL-4.
“This trend might continue as India plays West Indies next; even Ravi Rampaul is not exactly fair,” the CEO rued.
Chairman of ICCF (Indian Consumer Complaints Forum) under the banner of “jaago gharak jaago” also agreed that the success of Gayle and Malinga would surely affect the overall thinking of Indian customers.
“People are slowly becoming aware that using deodorants, creams, shaving gel, soft drinks, etc. cannot change anyone’s fortune except the stars who are endorsing it,” ICCF Chairman opined.
In fact, the success of the duo is impacting other products as well. Shareudiin, a stock broker, revealed that the share-price of a combs manufacturing company also recorded loss as investors felt that consumers could stop using company’s products to get dreadlocks like Gayle and Malinga.
But the corporate sector and marketing managers are not wholly disappointed and see a silver lining in the clouds. Sources suggest that companies selling hair oil, health capsules, and energy drinks are in the race to get their products endorsed by either of the new stars with “interesting” hairstyles.
Apparently, Navratan Tel, the hair oil brand, is planning to come up with an advertisement where a fair skinned bowler would apply the oil on his head for “cooling effect” after facing heat of Gayle on the pitch.
Meanwhile Kolkata Knight Riders owner Shahrukh Khan, who endorses “Fair & Handsome” cream, has refused to comment if his endorsement was the reason why Chris Gayle was not performing as brilliantly when he played for KKR.
(reported by Divya Sharan)
Rival IPL team to get one over of Chris Gayle batting
Mumbai. After what Chris Gayle did to Pune in Bangalore , BCCI has decided to make IPL an evenly contested tournament and give level playing field to the rival team by giving one over of batting by Gayle.
“The rival team will bat only for 19 overs and the last over – we are calling it the Gayle Equalizer – will be given to Chris Gayle so that some respect and sense is retained in the final scorecard,” IPL chief Rajiv Shukla announced.
Gayle could also be asked to give some smiles to the bowlers of the rival team to distribute smiles evenly
Sources confirm that the Gayle Equalizer has been introduced so that IPL doesn’t come under the scanner of the Competition Commission of India as Gayle’s batting makes a mockery of a healthy competition.
“There was a lurking danger that IPL could be dragged to the courts for monopolistic and restrictive trade policies that arise due to Gayle’s batting. IPL didn’t want another government body running for its neck after receiving income tax notices,” a BCCI source revealed.
However, experts believe that all this is a smokescreen and BCCI has introduced this new feature for making IPL more attractive and lucrative.
“All this talk of restrictive and monopolistic trade practice is bullshit,” a corporate affairs expert claimed, “Chris Gayle’s acts could be either termed ‘Act of
Sir Jadeja Sachin God’ or ‘Force Majeure’ such as
GayleStorm gale storms, for which no legal liability can be imposed.
“People will die to see an extra over of Gayle’s batting and this will only push up IPL’s TV ratings,” the expert further claimed, “And they will surely earn extra by selling sponsorship rights for theGayle Equalizer; electronics company GE will be approached I guess.”
Experts predict that this is just the beginning and IPL may introduce a mandatory over of Gayle’s batting in each and every IPL match, so that the West Indian batsman’s full potential is realized before he turns 40 or decides to retire.
RCB cheerleaders demand higher pay when Chris Gayle is batting
Bangalore: As if pressure from Kingfisher employees to release their pending salaries was not enough, Vijay Mallya has received another jolt today when RCB cheerleaders threatened to go on an indefinite strike if their demand of increased pay when Chris Gayle is batting is not met.
The cheerleaders have cited extreme work pressure and danger to their lives when Chris Gayle is batting as the prime reason for demanding a hike.
Mallya Sr went into a state of mental delirium after this fresh demand related to salaries.
“For the viewers it is a treat, but for us it is the most stressful period when he is batting. We have to be on our toes (literally) for the entire duration Gayle is on crease. Leave alone sitting , we cant even go to washroom when he is batting. In fact, we recently entered Guinness Book of world record for dancing continuously for 1 hour because the beast was just not in a mood to get out. In addition to this, we have to constantly watch out for the balls, he so mercilessly hits. We have started fearing for our lives after few of us had to be hospitalized after being hit by one such shot,” said a tired looking cheerleader
Team Manager of RCB Mr Avinash Vaidya has termed these demands ridiculous: “This is an absolutely atrocious demand. Agreed they have to do their extra bit of work when Chris is batting, but they also enjoy more than their share of rest and free time when Dilshan and Saurabh Tiwary are on the crease. So it obviously gets balanced out. If they persist with demands we will have to ask them to return the salaries they get when the rest of RCB is batting.”
Sidhartha Mallya, Director RCB chose not to respond to these demands on air but vented out his feelings on his favorite social networking site Twitter.
“Been getting threats from Cheerleaders. Not too sure who they are, dancer of some sorts?? But it seems something has upset them,” Sidhartha Mallya tweeted before tweeting, “There are always two sides to a story. Pipe down love.”
Realizing the gravity of the situation, even Bangalore Police has made it mandatory for everyone inside Chinnaswamy stadium (except Gayle) to wear helmets or else be ready to be heavily penalized.
Meanwhile Vijay Mallya has asked Virat Kohli if he can cajole cheerleaders into taking back their demands by using his Celkon Mobile.
Indian Tourism signs Sir Ravindra Jadeja, changes tagline to “Incredible Incredible India”
New Delhi: In a move to boost India’s tourism and travel commerce, the Ministry of Indian Tourism has signed Indian cricketer Ravindra Jadeja as its brand ambassador. The Ministry is also trying to cash in on his popularity by renaming its advertising tagline from “Incredible India” to “Incredible Incredible India”. Mr. Neeraj Chakravarty, Information Officer, Ministry of Tourism made this announcement in New Delhi today.
“After considering a lot of choices, we have zeroed in on Ravindra Jadeja to endorse the Indian tourism. The man is a very popular face in India and overseas, thus making him an obvious choice.” said Mr. Chakravarty. He added that they had shot a few promotional posters with him already and a full length promotional video will be shot once the cricketer has some free dates post IPL.
 |
| The new promotional poster for “Incredible Incredible India”Speaking on the tagline change, Mr. Chakravarty said, “Incredible India did work well for a while. But now it seems to have lost its charm. There has been a decline in international visitors. Hence we added another Incredible to the slogan. Plus Jadeja being in the campaign justifies an extraIncredible.” He also pointed out that this decline was not at all related to the recently reported incidents of foreign women getting raped in India. “That was because they wear short skimpy clothes here. Ab maidan khula pada ho, toh aadmi cricket khelne toh aayega hi na. (sic)” laughed Mr. Chakravarty with a senseless gleam of masculinity (doubtful) shining in his eyes. |
Mr. Vishal Joshi, representative for Mogilvy, the ad agency who will be shooting the tourism ad with Jadeja, said that the concept for the video is spectacular. “It starts with Ravindra playing gully cricket in some part of the country. He’s bowling, he starts with his over. The ball bounces thrice, conveniently goes off the pitch and boom, lands in another state, erm.. say Kerala. Jadeja discovers the beauty of the state when he comes to get the ball. Same continues to happen. And with all these No Balls, the over never gets done.”
Vishal rubbished the fact that this idea was inspired from Ravindra’s delivery at the 2012 India-England Test match. He said, “This is a government project. The Indian government would never do anything to taint some person’s image to keep its self-image clean.”
The ad agency, in its information that was made public, mentioned that it has signed a deal of Rs. 5 crores with the government citing that this is the amount that would be needed for the entire project. The PR agency for Ravindra Jadeja has informed the media that since its a project for the country, the cricketer has not charged a single rupee for the endorsement. However, inside sources reveal that the Tourism Ministry has been allotted Rs. 60 crores for the project by the government. Nobody from the government or the Tourism Dept. was available to comment on these numbers not adding up.
Expectations ride high on Jadeja’s shoulders as he will again try to make India proud by playing its Tourism ambassador. Rumour has it that Malaysian government is also trying to make some profit of Sir’s popularity by placing signs of “Sir was here” at all places Jadeja visited when he played the U-19 Cricket World Cup in Malaysia in 2008.
THIS IS JUST A WORK OF FICTION AND NOT REAL,JUST FOR FUN
KXIP vs KKR: Kings XI Punjab beat Kolkata Knight Riders by 4 runs in a thriller
Gautam Gambhir stupendous batting and Sunil Narine's splendid hat-trick went in-vain as Kings XI Punjab made a miraculous comeback to stun defending champions Kolkata Knight Riders by four runs in a thrilling Pepsi Indian Premier League encounter on Tuesday.
Scorecard | Match in Pics
Chasing a decent target of 158, KKR managed 153 for nine in the end despite a 105-run second wicket partnership between Gambhir (60, 39 balls, 8x4) and Eoin Morgan (47, 38 balls, 6x4).
This is Kings XI's second win from four matches while KKR's woeful away record continued as they have now lost their third game on the road.
From a comfortable 106 for two in 13 overs, KKR batsmen required only 52 off 42 balls but once the two set batsmen were out in quick succession, things changed rapidly.
Manoj Tiwary (1, 7 balls) and 'Million Dollar' man Yusuf Pathan (13, 16 balls) wasted 14 deliveries in between them as Manpreet Gony (1/18 in 4 overs) and Azhar Mahmood (3/21 in 4 overs) bowled brilliantly to get the home team back in the match.
Needing 11 runs off the final over, Adam Gilchrist saved what would have been 5 wides of the first delivery from Praveen Kumar. Praveen (2/26) kept his cool as he first removed Yusuf out of the equation and gave away only six runs to bring cheer for the home team.
Only KKR players could blame themselves for this shock defeat as they committed harakiri towards the end.
Rajat Bhatia (16) tried his best with a couple of sixes but that certainly wasn't enough in the end.
Gony, playing his first game of the cash-rich league certainly made a big impact in the final outcome of the encounter.
First his long-handle came to good effect as his 42 off 18 balls took Kings XI past 150-run mark which had looked improbable when they were tottering at 99 for six. Later, he removed a set Gambhir to bring KKR back in the match and also bowled consistently during his four-over spell.
The highlight during the first part of the match was Narine's hat-trick before Gony arrived to change the equations of the match.
Vindicating skipper Gautam Gambhir's decision to field first, Narine (3/33) along with Sri Lankan Sachitra Senanayake (2/28) bamboozled the Kings XI batsmen with their variations before Gony (42, 18 balls) thrashed the West Indian for 23 runs in the penultimate over to bring home team back in the match.
Narine achieved the landmark with his last three deliveries of the 15th over of the innings. First, he bowled a fast off-break that David Hussey (12) found very little room to play the cut-shot.
Veteran Azhar Mahmood (0) closed his bat face off the very next delivery as the leading edge looped up for the bowler to complete an easy return catch.
The 'hat-trick delivery' was easily the best of the lot as domestic batsman Gurkeerat Singh (0) had absolutely no clue about the delivery that turned the other way to peg the off-stump back. The Punjab youngster played for the turn and was foxed in the process.
Gony came in with Kings XI tottering at 99 for six and it soon became 109 for seven with David Miller (20) back in the dug-out. However the big-bodied Gony unleashed some booming shots as KKR bowlers went for 41 runs in 3.1 overs.
The former India pacer hit four boundaries and three huge sixes including two fours and two sixes in Narine's final over.
Earlier, Kings XI captain Adam Gilchrist's (7) woeful form in the current edition continued as Senanayake trapped him leg before with a straighter one in his very first over, which was the fourth of the innings. The score was 24 at that time.
Pint-sized Mandeep Singh (41, 30 balls 6x4) and young Manan Vohra (17) however negotiated the KKR bowlers confidently adding 37 runs for the second wicket before both were out in quick succession.
Scorecard | Match in Pics
Chasing a decent target of 158, KKR managed 153 for nine in the end despite a 105-run second wicket partnership between Gambhir (60, 39 balls, 8x4) and Eoin Morgan (47, 38 balls, 6x4).
This is Kings XI's second win from four matches while KKR's woeful away record continued as they have now lost their third game on the road.
From a comfortable 106 for two in 13 overs, KKR batsmen required only 52 off 42 balls but once the two set batsmen were out in quick succession, things changed rapidly.
Manoj Tiwary (1, 7 balls) and 'Million Dollar' man Yusuf Pathan (13, 16 balls) wasted 14 deliveries in between them as Manpreet Gony (1/18 in 4 overs) and Azhar Mahmood (3/21 in 4 overs) bowled brilliantly to get the home team back in the match.
Needing 11 runs off the final over, Adam Gilchrist saved what would have been 5 wides of the first delivery from Praveen Kumar. Praveen (2/26) kept his cool as he first removed Yusuf out of the equation and gave away only six runs to bring cheer for the home team.
Only KKR players could blame themselves for this shock defeat as they committed harakiri towards the end.
Rajat Bhatia (16) tried his best with a couple of sixes but that certainly wasn't enough in the end.
Gony, playing his first game of the cash-rich league certainly made a big impact in the final outcome of the encounter.
First his long-handle came to good effect as his 42 off 18 balls took Kings XI past 150-run mark which had looked improbable when they were tottering at 99 for six. Later, he removed a set Gambhir to bring KKR back in the match and also bowled consistently during his four-over spell.
The highlight during the first part of the match was Narine's hat-trick before Gony arrived to change the equations of the match.
Vindicating skipper Gautam Gambhir's decision to field first, Narine (3/33) along with Sri Lankan Sachitra Senanayake (2/28) bamboozled the Kings XI batsmen with their variations before Gony (42, 18 balls) thrashed the West Indian for 23 runs in the penultimate over to bring home team back in the match.
Narine achieved the landmark with his last three deliveries of the 15th over of the innings. First, he bowled a fast off-break that David Hussey (12) found very little room to play the cut-shot.
Veteran Azhar Mahmood (0) closed his bat face off the very next delivery as the leading edge looped up for the bowler to complete an easy return catch.
The 'hat-trick delivery' was easily the best of the lot as domestic batsman Gurkeerat Singh (0) had absolutely no clue about the delivery that turned the other way to peg the off-stump back. The Punjab youngster played for the turn and was foxed in the process.
Gony came in with Kings XI tottering at 99 for six and it soon became 109 for seven with David Miller (20) back in the dug-out. However the big-bodied Gony unleashed some booming shots as KKR bowlers went for 41 runs in 3.1 overs.
The former India pacer hit four boundaries and three huge sixes including two fours and two sixes in Narine's final over.
Earlier, Kings XI captain Adam Gilchrist's (7) woeful form in the current edition continued as Senanayake trapped him leg before with a straighter one in his very first over, which was the fourth of the innings. The score was 24 at that time.
Pint-sized Mandeep Singh (41, 30 balls 6x4) and young Manan Vohra (17) however negotiated the KKR bowlers confidently adding 37 runs for the second wicket before both were out in quick succession.
Sunil Narine claims first hat-trick of IPL-6
Kolkata Knight Riders off-spinner Sunil Narine on Tuesday claimed the first hat-trick of this IPL season against Kings XI Punjab at the PCA Stadium.
This was the 10th hat-trick of the IPL till now. Narine claimed the wickets of David Hussey, Azhar Mahmood and Gurkeerat Singh in his three successive deliveries of his second over to leave KXIP reeling at 99 for six in the 15th over.
Australian Hussey went for the cut but the ball bounced more than expected and he got a thick edge. It went to wicketkeeper Manvinder Bisla, who pouched it on his second attempt.
Next ball, Azhar Mahmood offered one of the simplest catches to Narine off his own bowling and the 'mystery spinner' accepted it gleefully.
The third was a carrom ball. A flat delivery, pitched around the off stump, that drew Gurkeerat forward but spinned past his defence to knock off his off stump.
List of bowlers who have claimed hat-tricks so far in IPL:
1. Lakshmipathy Balaji (CSK) vs KXIP (2008) 2. Amit Mishra (DD) vc DC (2008) 3. Makhaya Ntini (CSK) vs KKR (2008) 4. Yuvraj Singh (KXIP) vs RCB (2009) 5. Rohit Sharma (DC) vs MI (2009) 6. Yuvraj Singh (KXIP) vs DC (2009) 7. Praveen Kumar (RCB) vs RR (2010) 8. Amit Mishra (DC) vs KXIP (2011) 9. Ajit Chandila (RR) vs PW (2012).
This was the 10th hat-trick of the IPL till now. Narine claimed the wickets of David Hussey, Azhar Mahmood and Gurkeerat Singh in his three successive deliveries of his second over to leave KXIP reeling at 99 for six in the 15th over.
Australian Hussey went for the cut but the ball bounced more than expected and he got a thick edge. It went to wicketkeeper Manvinder Bisla, who pouched it on his second attempt.
Next ball, Azhar Mahmood offered one of the simplest catches to Narine off his own bowling and the 'mystery spinner' accepted it gleefully.
The third was a carrom ball. A flat delivery, pitched around the off stump, that drew Gurkeerat forward but spinned past his defence to knock off his off stump.
List of bowlers who have claimed hat-tricks so far in IPL:
1. Lakshmipathy Balaji (CSK) vs KXIP (2008) 2. Amit Mishra (DD) vc DC (2008) 3. Makhaya Ntini (CSK) vs KKR (2008) 4. Yuvraj Singh (KXIP) vs RCB (2009) 5. Rohit Sharma (DC) vs MI (2009) 6. Yuvraj Singh (KXIP) vs DC (2009) 7. Praveen Kumar (RCB) vs RR (2010) 8. Amit Mishra (DC) vs KXIP (2011) 9. Ajit Chandila (RR) vs PW (2012).
#SOURCE: TOI
Best Jokes on Rohith Sharma
In this article we provide you some jokes on talented Indian batsmen Rohit Sharma. This is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously. Taken 2 hour to write this funny article,it will just take 1 minutes to leave a comment.
We will see Talented Rohit Sharma very soon in the upcoming Movie “Just For 60 Seconds” : Rajnikanth
Tere jitne chance agar mujhe milte toh mai bhi 20-30 run bana leta : Ashish Nehra
Rohit Sharma will have to pay some talent hunt programme to find his Hidden Talent: Shahid Afridi
Rohit Sharma is the Sachin Tendulkar of nothing. MS Dhoni
Rohit Sharma is just like God, we all know god exists, we just don’t see him performing : Kapil Dev
Rohit sharma The man who has made it big : Vinod Kambli
There Are only 2 types of batsmen in world cricket. First- Rohit Sharma Second-Shahid Afridi : Chris Martin
Rohit Sharma is world best talented batsmen, it’s just that he is out of form since 1972:Sandip Patil
I think Rohit Sharma would get a Bharat Ratna and a Rajya Sabha MP ticke in next 5 years: Navjot Singh Siddhu
Rohit Sharma we have extended your contract with us for 2 more years:Maggie noodles
I will finally tell everyone, yahan koi talent valent nahin hai bhaiya, mujhe baksho, leave me alone!! :Rohit Sharma
